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"It's Like the anti-Dune"
-Matt Shaffer, president of Buzzhead Republic.
"It's Like the anti-Marvel"
-Dick Lowe, president of sales at Westmoore Auto Dealers on Winters and 34th.
"It's Like the anti-Star Trek"
-Mint Lipton, president of Lintech Semiconductors
"It's like the Anti-Joe Biden"
Joe Biden, president of Joe Biden
Zerth: Handbook for Humans
Role Playing as a Weirdo on a Hostile, Alien World
It's a TTRPG sourcebook! It's fucking massive. A fully illustrated tome of lore, backgrounds, maps, races and gaming rules, packed into a monstrous 356 page full color behemoth. It's also really fun to read, as I not only break down the rules to play the game, but I also break down mentally and emotionally under the massive workload. Yeah, I kept it in the book. It's a Hoot!
On top of all that bullshit, the book also contains the long-awaited fourth AND fifth books in the Zerth: Unwinding Series.
The physical book is on the way, but I'm struggling with finding a printer capable of keeping the price under 100 bucks per copy, but in the meantime, you can buy the digital copy right fucking here!
Yes, every page looks like this.
Husker had a gun. It was a shitty gun but it made people do what he wanted when he pointed it at them. It was a Heritage Rough Rider .22 with a 16” barrel, further outfitted with a 12” suppressor, which didn’t naturally take to the gun, so he had it welded to the front with duct tape.
-SCUDBUSKER (A Short Story found in the Handbook for Humans)
the battle for 403 hoek street
A study of law, morality and responsibility on a hostile, alien world
The next installment in the long-awaited Zerth: Unwinding series of short stories, The Battle for 403 Hoek Street is here! Weighing in at a manageable 16,000 words, this one is a quick but engaging slice-of-life featuring fan favorite Amelia Meyer in her most frustrating role yet - Negotiator!
From ornery Sectonian celebrities to stinky homeless dopes, Amelia has her hands full, and everyone wants to get their mits on this seemingly unremarkable piece of property. Will she have the patience to make it through the afternoon? Will she survive the inevitable hail of bullets? Will she keep the refreshment tray from going dry? Hold your balls and read The Battle for 403 Hoek Street to find out!
AVAILABLE NOW!
“Ms. Meyer, you’re no use to me without a functional brain. Scoop yourself up and do your job.” The girl didn’t budge. Yon shook his head, then reached into his bag and pulled
out the bottle of Katarri mineral water. He slapped the table, sending Amelia upright. “Take a drink, woman. It’s packed with nutrients.”
-The Battle for 403 Hoek Street
the OLD GUARD OF ZERTH
A novel about the effects of alcohol on a public servant on a hostile, alien world
The second mind-blowing novel in the Zerth series. A heavyweight, at 122,000 words, this chunky boi will keep you entranced for days, or maybe months if you're neurodivergent!
The world of Zerth is blooming and Wadley Saxo, hero of the pit, has settled in. The only adventures he's seeking these days are the struggles of peeling himself off the barroom floor. But you wont catch him complaining, this is what he fought for, isn't it?
Together with his misfit band of assholes, Wad does his best to flee from the plot. But will his efforts bare fruit? Will Wad find happiness at the bottom of a bottle? Will he even notice when the world he built starts to crumble around him?
Read The Old Guard of Zerth to find out!
Potato reached for a beer. “Wad’s not as bad as you think, lady. He drinks because he remembers the time before all of this. What we got now is a reason to celebrate. I dunno when you showed up, but it was well after the shitshow we use’ta have. Otherwise, you’d be drinking, too.”
-The Old Guard of Zerth
ZERTH
The social and political benefits of attempted suicide on a hostile, alien world
The nascent and decidedly magnificent first novel in the Zerth series, Zerth is a powerhouse introduction to the world of Zerth. It's Zerth! Let's say it again. ZERTH!
This one is a beefcake. 92,000 words, which means you'll need a hearty pot of coffee and a rainy afternoon to crack into this bad boy.
At the start of all things, 1976, the despotic Aerie Empire rules without contest, but deep within the belly of the ominous Aerie Tower, a seed of contempt is planted within the lowly Wadley Saxo.
Follow Wad in his quest to murder himself in the most satisfying way possible - Starving in the burning sands of the unexplored wastes! Will Wad manage to die? Will he accidently trigger an avalanche of events that lead to the destruction of the tyrants that brought him to his knees, or will he just spaz out and start flipping the bird to random people? The answer is somewhere in this book!
Read Zerth. It's Zerth!
The thought filled his chest with a sense of indignant pride. The dim bastards didn't have it in them to come this far. They weren't capable of taking the plunge. They didn't deserve any of this freedom. Wad paused to gaze upon his newly claimed domain with a triumphant smile – which quickly shrank. There was nothing. Nothing at all . Just red stone with pockets of cracked dirt. This was his domain.
-Zerth
Zen and the art of
magenite suspension
The dreamlike wanderings of a mid-level engineer on a hostile, alien world
The first book in the Zerth: Unwinding series, Zen and the Art of Magenite Suspension slides into the cracks with a satisfying 17,000 words. Just right to dump a metric shitload of exposition into your face! My thanks to Robert M. Pirsig for inspiring the ping-pong narrative style.
With an eternity of fair weather and silly physics, engineer Murphy LeBlanc is free to muse endlessly. He may not be the man he wanted to be on Earth, but on Zerth, he's a veritable god. Still, a god isn't immune from problems. For one, his Russian companion Sasha is quite the unruly character. And despite having unlimited resources at his command, he can't do everything by himself. Delegating may prove to be a greater task than Murphy can handle, especially when his employees start dropping like flies. Will Murphy maintain his workforce long enough to complete his next project? Will he ever tire of ham-fisted exposition? Will Sasha ever stop sneezing? The answer to all of these questions is No!
Read Zen and the Art of Magenite Suspension!
In short time, Carton arrives in dramatic fashion. The crew ducks for cover as the screams of the engines are heard from a distance, skimming rooftops and sweeping around to give us all a good look at the paint job on the underbelly of his ship. It’s a stylized image of himself with a word-bubble shouting, “Off and Away!” while giving a thumbs up. Years ago, the image led to the nickname “Often Away,” as the man is a notorious drunk. The name stuck.
-Zen and the Art of Magenite Suspension
rubin walter: danger to the max
The story of a boy coming to terms with death on a hostile, alien world
The second book in the Zerth: Unwinding series of short stories, Rubin Walter: Danger to the Max is the lightest of light-weights at 7,500 words. Believe me, if it were any shorter, it wouldn't be finished. You can read this one by accident.
Rubin Walter has big dreams and tight pants. It's the story of a boy and his bike. And his other bike. And his dead wife. And his new wife who probably dies because it’s not too uncommon to do so. And his friend who also dies but it’s okay because that’s how he makes a living. And his son. And his son’s dead friend. And the boy dies too but it’s really no big deal. That's right, so much death, but in that death, there can be so much life!
Spoiler alert: Rubin Dies! But the real question is, how can he benefit? Will Rubin manage to turn his new hobby of self-mutilation into an honest living? Should we just cut the crap and call it an honest dying? Will we ever get tired of reading this book in a southern accent? No, we wont.
Read Rubin Walter: Danger to the Max!
Maybe his work routinely killed him, but Rubin didn’t mind; for the first time in his life, he had an audience. Sure, they were lizard-things and turnips and freaks, but the love was real. Even the other Humans got a kick out of his antics, calling him the Evel Knievel of Zerth. Every day, Rubin pushed his dreams farther, and after a few years, he had earned himself somewhat of a celebrity status. He jumped buses and rivers and houses; he even considered jumping Aerie Tower, but was shot at when scouting the location.
-Rubin Walter: Danger to the Max
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